A friend once asked….?

A friend once asked what is your passion at that time I had not picked up my sketch book in years. I was exhausted, I hadn’t had my hair or nails done in over 3 years. At I couldn’t remember the last time I had even shaved my legs or put on eye liner. I was a mere shell of who I was just a few short years ago. There was no one to blame, it was my own fault. There were many opportunities to get out for some me time. That I always refused because the twins needed me.

I ran into a this friend and when he asked me the question I was embarrassed. Not only did I have no idea anymore what I was passionate about, I wasn’t sure what who I was.

I started slowly drawing again, I was embarrassed how much I had forgotten. I was never formally trained, it had just been me a sketch most the time and I would draw the same thing over and over until the paper matches the picture in my head.

This time it’s harder, it’s taking longer. But, I am starting to see a light, starting to be excited over the finished project…and people seem to like them.. now if I could only figure out how make a little money off them so I can keep buying paint






screw you too!

Maybe I should just have a blog about things I think can go screw themselves. However, that seems like a lot of negative energy to put out in the world… But come on, sometimes you just need to vent and since I still really like my person ( yes totally took it from Gray’s Anatomy) I think its best not to freak out on him to often.

So for today, its screw you too, Apple and T-mobile!!

In June it will be one year since I got rid of my Iphone 6 plus, at the time the phone was paid off  and the next Iphone was just about to come out. My person and I decided that we wanted to leave T-Mobile after 10 years of being with them, we consistently had problems with our bill, they loved to charge us for things that we shouldn’t have to pay for and since we were at the point of paying month to month with no contract and owned our phones out right we jumped to another carrier. It should be said that the night before the big JUMP, we called T-Mobile and paid our last bill and confirmed that we didn’t owe anything at this time. The very nice girl on the phone confirmed this and sensing that we might leave T-mobile she transferred us right over to the ” save those damn accounts” team … after 10 years, to save our account they offered us 15% off for three months on a more expensive monthly plan, we polity declined and the next day went and got matching Samsung s8 pluses. We pay less, we get better service and we don’t have problems with our accounts and did I mention we got super cool new phones and  1100.00 in store credit!! OMG RIGHT!!!

So new super cool phone people tell us that when we take our phone numbers with us, it tells the previous carriers that we are no longer with them. I ask how do I cancel the Apple stuff. I was given a number and warned that since I was selling my phone that I should wait to do it until I have a buyer and they confirm the phone works. So, 3 days later I sell my phone that is in perfect condition to a super nice women who is a little down on her luck, since I got some much in store credit and was super happy I went ahead sold the phone for a 100.00 bucks. We met, we to a T-mobile store she turned on service I called and cancelled Apple and took my 100.00 bucks and went shopping!



T-mobile 3 month later started getting harassing calls from T-Mobile and these guys were down right dicks! They wouldn’t listen to us when we told them we aren’t with them anymore, they warned us that they will shut our phones off, I finally said ok do it right now, it won’t matter we don’t have you guys as a carrier, it didn’t matter.. cause we didn’t have T-mobile any more. 2 more months of going around and around with them and the phone calls stopped coming, I thought they finally get it… YIPPPY

no not yippy  They sent us to collections.!!!  WHAT!!

And then Apple, we paid them 2.99 a month the two years I had a iphone and 2 months after I sold the phone, they started charging our credit card 10.00 a month WHAT!!

I will say that we missed the  first two months of this new payment plan, and when I finally caught it I called Apple, they told me that they did cancel it, then they told me my phone was still active and they still said they were providing service, and then they told me it was my problem. Off to the bank we went,a bank that my guy has been with for 25 years, and was told they can’t do anything about it and they won’t stop Apple from taking the  10 bucks! One lady said “its only 10 bucks…. ” I said ” then put 10 bucks in my account ever  month if its no big deal. ”

So after 10 months of fighting with these guys I say SCREW YOU! I now have paid over a thousand dollars for a service I cancelled and have a 6,000 dollar collection notice.

But hey, I got a super cool phone…


I AM SO EXCITED… the first package of used Star Wars toys have arrived…. I have decieded as part of my husband and oldest sons Christmas present I would be decorating the Christmas tree as a Star wars christmas tree. I had to quickly hid the box before I could go through everythin but it’s finally here!… ..hehehe I am pretty excited.. lots of work… pictures to be added as this project takes off.

Screw you !!!

Screw you! That’s right screw you. I just read a post about a woman who was a new mother of twins, she was writing about her first week home with her little bundles of perfection. She stated that even though her twins were on a 3 hour feeding schedule, she found her self bored!!! WHAT??? Are you freaking kidding me? So my response was

I am reading this laughing, as I am hiding in the bathroom from my 4 year old twin boys. I remember the first year, they were on a 3 hour feeding schedule as well, from wake-up, to diaper changes for both, to try to breastfeed both babies then supplementing, and getting both back down took about 90 minutes. So with my 90 minutes I could sleep, eat , clean, or breathe. I was completely alone 5 days a week as my husband travelled for work. After week 4 I was a mess. I didnt go anywhere and all of my friends seem to be too busy except for one . When I read about other twin moms who had everything together that first year, I wonder did they do it alone? Where they over 40? Did they have post partum depression? What was the secret? what did I do wrong?

That’s what I started …. but taking a minute, rereading it, and checking on my lil pirates, I deleted it. It sounds childish, bitchy, and I realized who this woman was she was the alpha mom. The mom who was leader of the pack at play groups, the mom who literally had a pack of messy moms following her and her top of the line overly priced stroller around the play ground hoping to get a little bit of whatever alpha mom was handing out that day. She had perfect family photos displayed in her perfect, clean, super organized house. Her children were perfect, sweet and were never dirty. She never bounced a check, ran out of milk, or had a bad hair day. For she was the alpha mom.

As I was cleaning cheerios out of the couch it dawned on me that Alpha mom was probably in her early 30s late 20s judging by her picture, these twins were her first kids, she was still running on adrenaline!!!! Alpha mom hasn’t hit her wall yet, you know the wall, that you hit about 4-6 weeks into this adventure. When people stop coming over to help or bring you dinner. When the twins aren’t staying on schedules, and are waking each other up, when you no longer feel human because 4 hours of sleep in increments of 1 hour at a time is no longer enough sleep in a day. When you realize to go anywhere by yourself is such a freaking nightmare that you think it’s ok to run out of toliet paper because you have paper towels. That wall…we all have that wall.

So what was week 4 like for her? I wonder since there are no posts from her ?? I wonder if she made it. So to all alpha moms out there, I raise my cold coffee cup that has a gi joe floating in it to you, and wish you well.

Ummmm hello…

I think that I have absolutely no idea what I am doing.. is it showing yet? So last year I opened a Etsy store… still nothing on it.. but in the last year I have planned several birthday parties, two baby showers, a bbq and even a gender reveal party…. oh and made some volcanoes for the boys science fair..

I have what I think would be a great idea, no idea if I could make 1500.00 a month at it but a freaking cool idea… hmm

Oh crap down to 10% battery….

first week of Mystery shopping!!

Trying to bring in a few extra bucks and a reason to get out of the house….(yes, I am one of those twin moms who looks for reasons to leave the house) I sort of stumbled into mystery shopping. or like I think of it undercover secret agent shopper!
I made it one whole week!
haven’t made any money yet, but its only been a week.
and I have a new plan!!! I opened up a Etsy shop…. well I think I did.
And as we speak I am putting a list of things to make and sell! I am starting to feel human again.
starting to sleep again
starting to breath again. Who knows what will happen. but I got up today and took a freaking shower, put on some eyeliner and left the house for two hours!
so yeah I won!
baby steps


working with out a net

The idea of having more kids after the being a single parent for  19 years is so such a silly idea!! What the hell was I thinking?

  What happened to the romantic notion of falling madly crazy in love in your late 30’s and getting married and having one last baby who would be the best of both you, with a beautiful family photo over the fireplace of his daughter and my son and our baby?? 

I will tell you what the hell happened! The 135 pounds I worked over a year to lose came flying back on with the announcement that not only was I pregnant at the ripe of 39 but I was having twins… Twin boys!! The overly sensitive step daughter who loved me before the pregnancy became resentful, my 19 year old son started feeling replaced,  the perfect man that I fell madly in love with was working on the road 5 days a week and I simply hurt. My pelvis started hurting 4 weeks in, my hips started about week 13, my wrist and arms started aching with pregnancy on set carpel tunnel week 16 , walking became a waddle by 22 weeks and sleeping and laying down became impossible by week 29!

After all is said and done I had beautiful healthy twin boys at 35 weeks 1 day.  They weighed 7.4 pounds and 6.15 pounds! They never visited the nicu and  they were perfect and loved. 

Then shit got real, daddy went back to work so I was home recovering from a c-section and twin boys who were on a strict 3 hour feeding schedule between changing them , feeding them, burping them pumping for next feeding , putting twins down to sleep and getting stuff cleaned and ready for next feeding I had about a hour and half to eat, sleep, shower or do housework! I’ll be honest there were many times I just stared into space Half asleep half awake unsure of even what day it was. 

You know what the problem is with having babies so late in life…. Your tired and you don’t move or health as fast. I had twins and fell into a deep depression. Unfortunately it took 2 1/2 years for me to recognize that there was a problem and the problem  was getting worse all the time. It went from not going to the grocery store to having anxiety that I would lose a child that I didn’t go outside and I didn’t go anywhere. I was alone but I wasn’t really alone I had these two beautiful little human beings that needed my attention my time and my patients. And they needed it at the same exact time! 

So now we began again. Trying to figure out my place.  How do I raise to wild unique Hilarious toddler boys and come out sane? 

Side note! I tired it and don’t like it! Trying to write on the mobile site sucks!! I need my computer back soon or Elmo gets it!

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