setting up

so… I turn 38 in a matter of days…

its not just a number … I have been a single parent for the 18 years. … and soon The kid will be going off to start his life

what I am thinking is… what I am supposed to do….

everything about my life has been about what is best for the kid…

what job I take….

where we live…

what we do…

where we go…

everything for the last 18 years has been about what he needs or wants….

The kid was born on my 20th birthday so I haven’t even had a birthday …

don’t get me wrong…. I have loved every minute of being his mom (ok not every minute but close)

I don’t regret anything. my focus was on him…. thats where it was supposed to be… but now

I am trying to figure out what I am supposed to be doing?

who am I … if I am not running around after him?

I am not dating , or married…

I was laid off a few months ago..

so even what kind of job I can take is different ( I wanted to be home with him in the evenings and weekends so I did alot office work)

I can move…. I can take a different kind of job

I can eat peanut butter for dinner and cake for breakfast, all the rules of the game are out the window and I am standing on the sideline trying to catch my breath… and figure out who the hell I am….

so on August 11th I turn 38

and I am on a new path…. and have a new start….

this next year will be different, maybe scary but being the Kids’ mom has been a most excellent adventure … and its time for him to start his own adventure and its time for me to one of my own….

so ready or not

here I come!!!!

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