invisible ink…

I have always wanted a delicate inside wrist tattoo. Originally I wanted just one word on the inside of each wrist but I found this I don’t what you call it saying maybe .. ” strength today … hope tomorrow…

I never got any tattoos that could be seen before because one I couldn’t afford it and another people were already judgmental of the Kid and I situation … I didn’t want to give them any ammo! 

but he is gone and its time for a new start so I decided to get them….

so as a birthday present from my best friend I went and got them..

inside left wrist …. strength today

inside right wrist … hope tomorrow

..OMG it hurt… LOL but it felt awesome… like I was really starting to make my own path…

within a week…. the tattoos are almost competely invisible… i can’t believe it! 

they are gone!

I have one other tattoo that is fine … so I know its not the ink or that body is rejecting it…

I don’t know what happened….

but you know … its funny … cause that is exactly how I am feeling right now… completely invisible … Sarah is home.. and even though she is only barely 4 months pregnant she is so playing the part!! 

Dad  and the gang were here on Sunday for a family dinner! HORRIBLE!… as we all sat there my father started talking about how he wants us kids to make sean (baby daddy) to feel welcome make him feel part of the family… and that he would be apart of our family forever ..he went on to say he wants  sean and him to become fishing buddies …!! 

I sat there listening to him go on and on… my brother and sisters agreeing and as I am looking around at them I literally yelling in my head ” HEELLLOOOO ANYONE REMEMBER MY HUSBAND? ” 

I stared wide eyed at my father… tears started filling my eyes… I kept thinking you bastard….

being the oldest child and daughter … when I met Bruce… I was so so happy … I had never been loved and wanted or desired the way he did.  Bruce was a good man… I knew with him I would never be rich or have mansion… but I didn’t care ..I just wanted us to grow old together…

due to alot of guilt trips put on me by my father.. Bruce and I lived with him after we got married …. he would  purposely tested my loyalty to him …. the stress was killing my relationship… due to a lay off … and lack of jobs Bruce had a hard time finding work… he started drinking… 
one day I was taken from work straight to emergency room…. it was stress… Bruce said he couldn’t watch me suffer… and the next day he moved out… I thought we were going to work it out…I always thought we were going to be back together….

it didn’t work out that way….

so as I sat there listening to my father talk about sarah’s boyfriend… my heart was breaking all over… I couldn’t take it..I got up and went to the bedroom…. 

when I called my mom she said that everyone knew what he did… and she was sorry she couldn’t stop it..

yep…

sorry … sorry sorry! 

3 years later I still miss him so much it hurts…. but he has moved on… 

and 3 years later I am still the invisible girl.. I don’t belong here anymore… 

 

 

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