A friend once asked….?

A friend once asked what is your passion at that time I had not picked up my sketch book in years. I was exhausted, I hadn’t had my hair or nails done in over 3 years. At I couldn’t remember the last time I had even shaved my legs or put on eye liner. I was a mere shell of who I was just a few short years ago. There was no one to blame, it was my own fault. There were many opportunities to get out for some me time. That I always refused because the twins needed me.

I ran into a this friend and when he asked me the question I was embarrassed. Not only did I have no idea anymore what I was passionate about, I wasn’t sure what who I was.

I started slowly drawing again, I was embarrassed how much I had forgotten. I was never formally trained, it had just been me a sketch most the time and I would draw the same thing over and over until the paper matches the picture in my head.

This time it’s harder, it’s taking longer. But, I am starting to see a light, starting to be excited over the finished project…and people seem to like them.. now if I could only figure out how make a little money off them so I can keep buying paint







I AM SO EXCITED… the first package of used Star Wars toys have arrived…. I have decieded as part of my husband and oldest sons Christmas present I would be decorating the Christmas tree as a Star wars christmas tree. I had to quickly hid the box before I could go through everythin but it’s finally here!… ..hehehe I am pretty excited.. lots of work… pictures to be added as this project takes off.

Screw you !!!

Screw you! That’s right screw you. I just read a post about a woman who was a new mother of twins, she was writing about her first week home with her little bundles of perfection. She stated that even though her twins were on a 3 hour feeding schedule, she found her self bored!!! WHAT??? Are you freaking kidding me? So my response was

I am reading this laughing, as I am hiding in the bathroom from my 4 year old twin boys. I remember the first year, they were on a 3 hour feeding schedule as well, from wake-up, to diaper changes for both, to try to breastfeed both babies then supplementing, and getting both back down took about 90 minutes. So with my 90 minutes I could sleep, eat , clean, or breathe. I was completely alone 5 days a week as my husband travelled for work. After week 4 I was a mess. I didnt go anywhere and all of my friends seem to be too busy except for one . When I read about other twin moms who had everything together that first year, I wonder did they do it alone? Where they over 40? Did they have post partum depression? What was the secret? what did I do wrong?

That’s what I started …. but taking a minute, rereading it, and checking on my lil pirates, I deleted it. It sounds childish, bitchy, and I realized who this woman was she was the alpha mom. The mom who was leader of the pack at play groups, the mom who literally had a pack of messy moms following her and her top of the line overly priced stroller around the play ground hoping to get a little bit of whatever alpha mom was handing out that day. She had perfect family photos displayed in her perfect, clean, super organized house. Her children were perfect, sweet and were never dirty. She never bounced a check, ran out of milk, or had a bad hair day. For she was the alpha mom.

As I was cleaning cheerios out of the couch it dawned on me that Alpha mom was probably in her early 30s late 20s judging by her picture, these twins were her first kids, she was still running on adrenaline!!!! Alpha mom hasn’t hit her wall yet, you know the wall, that you hit about 4-6 weeks into this adventure. When people stop coming over to help or bring you dinner. When the twins aren’t staying on schedules, and are waking each other up, when you no longer feel human because 4 hours of sleep in increments of 1 hour at a time is no longer enough sleep in a day. When you realize to go anywhere by yourself is such a freaking nightmare that you think it’s ok to run out of toliet paper because you have paper towels. That wall…we all have that wall.

So what was week 4 like for her? I wonder since there are no posts from her ?? I wonder if she made it. So to all alpha moms out there, I raise my cold coffee cup that has a gi joe floating in it to you, and wish you well.

first week of Mystery shopping!!

Trying to bring in a few extra bucks and a reason to get out of the house….(yes, I am one of those twin moms who looks for reasons to leave the house) I sort of stumbled into mystery shopping. or like I think of it undercover secret agent shopper!
I made it one whole week!
haven’t made any money yet, but its only been a week.
and I have a new plan!!! I opened up a Etsy shop…. well I think I did.
And as we speak I am putting a list of things to make and sell! I am starting to feel human again.
starting to sleep again
starting to breath again. Who knows what will happen. but I got up today and took a freaking shower, put on some eyeliner and left the house for two hours!
so yeah I won!
baby steps


He is leaving….

so this the week..

the week that Sam my only child … is moving…going to start his life…. isn’t that awesome! of course it is…. but… what happens the day after he leaves?  I was at oaks park with friends and holding Juliabean sitting waiting for T to finish riding… sitting on the bench next to me there were a couple of women and we starting to talking about kids and blah blah and when I told them that my only child is leaving moving one of the woman said to “OMG what are you going to do? he has been your whole life? your going to be completely alone ”

That is about the time I felt like someone just punched me in the gut! I am going to be alone…..


I looked at the woman… and thought good thing I am not suicidal …  LOL